sorry.

i feel like screaming.
everyone wants answers. they want to know why i feel like i do.
plain and simple i dont have a reason.
i dont know what to say.
this is my life to live. and its not an easy life. and thats by my own doing.
i dont blame anyone. but seriously no one really knows what im going through.
it drives me crazy that i get the sympathetic "i know how you feel"..really do you?
do you know what its like to be in love with someone everyone thinks you should just let go of? do you know what its like to be a single mother who works full time and attends college full time? do you know what its like to want so much more for your life and not know how to get it because no one thinks its best for you? i mean i love everyone whos trying so hard to help..but its hard. ive brought myself to a place no one im close to has ever been. i cant explain how i feel. and sometimes i really dont want to. im just trying to live my life the way that feels right.
so im sorry i cant answer all the questions. im sorry for not being just the way everyone wants me to be.
this is me. i feel how i feel. i dont have reasons.
im sorry.

WoW.

so im slowly learning that god answers questions in mysterious ways.
this quote was in an email..an email id normally delete. today i thought hey why not read it. so i did and with my current situation..being stuck in the middle..this spoke volumes to me.

"the key to courage is to let go of the fear"

Stuck in the Middle.

have you ever wanted something so bad. everything in you says go for it. but you are terrified to actually get what you want.

well that is where im at. my heart says yes. my brain says yes. but im scared. scared to fail. scared my instinct may be wrong. then i think about how ill never know if i dont try. i really really feel like im stuck in the middle. being pulled both ways.

do i follow my heart my head and my instinct or let my fear hold me back?