its what i do :)

i feel the need to spill my guts..
again..
*just a note- the 'yous' in most of this post won't read this..*

it feels phenomenal to have 'cut ties' with you..but truthfully in the farthest part of my mind i often wonder if you'll ever come around - will you ever realize what YOU have given up..
then i remember its YOU who gave it all up and the thought floats away again only to resurface later and repeat it grueling process..

some days are way harder than others without you here..we didn't keep in touch after we broke up and i hate it. i miss you..i wish i had talked to you and stayed close..id give anything to hangout with you just one more time..to see that smile again..but that's not possible on this side of eternity..

this is hard to write..but its whats weighing on me the most.
you of all people i met through high school would not have been first on the list to pick me up when i was so far down i couldn't do it on my own. don't get me wrong you were always an amazing friend, i just never thought you would be the one to come to our rescue. but you did and you haven't left our side. your ready and waiting to run in and save us. what hits me the hardest is that i know without a doubt you would give your life for my daughter. i cant even wrap my mind around it sometimes. all i know is i absolutely love it. i wouldn't trade our amazing friendship for anything. and just in case its not blatantly obvious in every way possible - I'm falling for you.

from the very moment i knew you were alive inside of me i knew i loved you. but when the nurse plopped your purple little body on my chest and your foot was staring me in my face i knew what love was. i knew that from that moment on my life was different, that everything i did or would eventually do involved you in the hugest of ways. now that the day you were born is quickly approaching i don't know what to do with all the emotions inside of me. watching you grow and learn amazes me. i'm pretty much in awe of who you are. i couldn't be more proud to say you are mine and i cant even imagine life without you. i love you baby girl.

what would i do without the 3 of you?? i would fail. i wouldn't be nearly as strong as i am, i wouldn't be the amazing mom you tell me i am. even tho i may act like i've got it all together i don't. i need you 3 more than anything. and i don't thank any of you enough. i want you all to know i love you dearly and i couldn't have picked a better family.

when i feel like everything i have to say is stupid or when i just need to babble you're there and i appreciate that. after a year or more of being stuck in my ways i learned who my true friends are and you are one of them. i want so much to boost you up and love on you in the way you've loved on me. to give you that little extra confidence in yourself. you are amazing keep your head up and keep shining - i'm behind you 110%.

you are by far more ignorant than i ever thought. stuck in your ways while the world passes you by while EVERYTHING you ever wanted slips farther and farther away. i cant help but ask - are you happy now?

i'm done..
for today.