once again im gonna tell it all.

right now im depressed. i feel like i live on the verge of tears.
but honestly i couldnt even give you a real solid reason why.
im mad. im upset. im lost. im confused. im over some things. but still stuck on others.
i want to scream i want to cry i want to punch kick and throw a tantrum i want to run and hide.
im always beating myself up for what others tell me isnt my fault but im not totally sure i agree.
i dont live my life with regrets but right now im so mad at some of the ridiculous choices i made.
im sure that this is making no sense at all. but ill continue anyways.
im absolutely madly in love with my daughter words cant even describe the love that i have for her. but being 100% honest i still feel like im robbing her of a 'normal' childhood. i mean seriously every little girl needs a daddy and well right now theres not one of those in sight. i mean i know shes doing great shes smart and cute and wonderful but still i pray that my mistakes dont make her life awful.
im a mess. i hate my job. i just quit even attempting college courses. i havent even made much effort towards getting into a community college. i second guess myself more times than i can count i over analyze pretty much everything.
i just want a break. i just want to escape and get away. to go somewhere and pretend for a day that i didnt make some pretty dumb choices that are still driving me up a wall. i want to get away and pretend that it doesnt all still get under my skin and irritate me to no end.
i wanna be happy. like truly deeply seriously happy.
and for now im done.
i got enough out to make it easy to breathe again.
and im pretty sure ill be back soon..