My New Journey

in my life, the past year or so to be more exact, i have walked around the same mountain time and time again. and to be quite honest it has gotten old and it has taken a toll on my life and my emotions. the mountain itself would be the simple yet all to complicated relationship between my daughter and her father. now i know that most of you reading are about to throw in the towel and quit because william has now entered into the discussion..please dont. this is not about he and i reconnecting or anything like that. this is hopefully and prayerfully a new beginning for desirae and him. ok so back to the mountain..i need to better explain it. since i found out i was pregnant there has been a constant push and shove going on. i decide its ok for will to get close and to be involved BUT only if i can call the shots..which is wrong..so of course my expectations were always sky high snd he never met them so i shut down and pushed him out..and he backed off and left me and her alone. and the cycle would repeat..for one reason or another hed come back and i would start trying to run the show. well this mountain is rough and hard to walk so a couple months ago my heart was burdened their relationship wasnt up to me, only he or she could start or end it. and i realized that will wouldnt ever be her father if i atleast didnt step back enough to let him breathe. now im not so far back that i cant save my daughter if the need be. this is very hard. this walk around the mountain is soo different however it is nowhere near easy. my patience is being tried in so many ways and my emotions are on my sleeve more so than ever. i was not prepared for some of the things being thrown and me. satan is trying to shove me back into the old path around the mountain. however its not because of william in any way at all honestly. there are others involved that have never been on this mountain before and they are the ones standing in the way of all that should happen. its then that i step back and remember this is for desirae and that i have to stand strong in my faith and know that because God called me to do this and to let this relationship become amazing he will guide me through he will teach me to be patient and he will not let satan ruin this. ill be honest though this is very very hard. i have wanted to throw in the towel and go my old way. i have wanted to let my anger with others flair and a few time i have. i want this so badly for her and for the first time in a long time he is so willing and he wants this which is huge for him. i never prepared to have anyone but he or i in the way. i wasnt ready for satan to blind side me. my patience is thin and im trying my best to stand strong. i would so much appreciate prayer. pray that i am patient and that i dont let satan get under my skin that i remember who this is for and who laid it on my heart and that he wont let this go wrong if i focus on him. pray that because there are unforseen obstacles that will wont be defeated either that he to can stand strong and persue his dream of being daddy. and pray that above all God is glorified in this.